Top 10 Best (and Worst) Attorney Jokes

Top 10 Best (and Worst) Attorney Jokes

You’re going to be told lawyer jokes whether you like them or not, comes with the job. So, why not just lean in? Here are our top ten favorites:

10. If you laid all of the lawyers in the world end to end on the equator… it would be a good idea to just leave them there.

9. What Do You Call a Smiling, Nice Person at A Bar Association Convention? The caterer.

8. A man went to a lawyer and asked what his fee was. “$100 for three questions,” answered the lawyer.

    “Isn’t that a little steep?” said the man. “Yes,” said the lawyer. “Now, what’s your third question?”

7. The lawyer's son wanted to follow in his father's footsteps, so he went to law school and graduated with honors.

     Then he went home to join his father's firm. At the end of his first day at work, he rushed into his father's office and said,

     "Father, father! In one day, I broke the Smith case that you've been working on for so long!" His father yelled, "You idiot!

     We've been living on the funding of that case for ten years!"

6. What's the definition of a will?... This is an easy one. In fact, It's a dead giveaway.

5. When asked “How much is two plus two?” A child replies “Four”

     A CPA logs into his computer and says “Let me run that through my spreadsheets”

     A lawyer pulls the drapes, dims the lights, and asks in a hushed tone, “How much do you want it to be?”

4. Lawyer: “Let me give you my honest opinion.” Client: “No, I’m paying you to give me your professional opinion!”

3. A lawyer corrected his son… “No, Jimmy, I distinctly said that you can halve your allowance if you mow the lawn.

     That’s why we ask for things in writing.”

2. A lawyer dies and goes to heaven. "There must be some mistake," the lawyer argues. "I'm too young to die. I'm only 55."

     "Fifty-five?" says Saint Peter. "No, according to our calculations, you're 82." "How'd you get that?" the lawyer asks.

     St. Peter, "We added up your time sheets."

1. How many lawyer jokes are there? Only Three. The rest are true stories.

*None of these jokes were written by us but exist in the plentiful land of attorney jokes.

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