Lawyer Jokes - Compilation of the Best Jokes on the Internet
Lawyer Jokes Compilation
Here’s a growing list of the best lawyer jokes we could find, sorted by category.
Hilarious Lawyer Jokes
1 - What do you call a smiling, nice person at a bar association convention? The caterer.
2 - What do you get when a lawyer and a bird meet? A legal eagle.
3 - What is a lawyers favorite desert? Sue-gar cookies!
4 - How does a lawyer say goodbye? See you in court pal.
5 - What’s one food a lawyer will never eat? Humble pie.
6 - Why are there no Irish lawyers? They can’t pass the bar.
7 - How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they would rather keep clients in the dark.
Funny Jokes About Lawyers
1 - How many lawyer jokes are there? Two. The rest are true stories.
2 - If you laid all of the lawyers in the world end to end on the equator… it would be a good idea to just leave them there.
3 - Lawyer: “Let me give you my honest opinion.” Client: “No, I’m paying you to give me your professional opinion!”
4 - A lawyer dies and goes to heaven. "There must be some mistake," the lawyer argues. "I'm too young to die. I'm only 55."
"Fifty-five?" says Saint Peter. "No, according to our calculations, you're 82." "How'd you get that?" the lawyer asks.
St. Peter, "We added up your time sheets."
Funny Attorney Jokes
1 - An attorney corrected his son… “No, Jimmy, I distinctly said that you can halve your allowance if you mow the lawn. That’s why we ask for things in writing.”
2 - How do you get malpractice attorneys to smile for their holiday card?
Say “fees”!
3 - Why is arguing with an attorney just like playing tug of war with a dog?
Sooner or later you realize that was their goal all along.
4 - What makes attorneys so charming?
They each have their own appeals!
5 - What’s the difference between a good attorney and a great attorney?
A good attorney draws your case out for a good few months but a great attorney drags it out for years!
Best Lawyer Jokes
1 - When asked “How much is two plus two?” a child replies “Four.”
A CPA logs into his computer and says “Let me run that through my spreadsheets.”
A lawyer pulls the drapes, dims the lights, and asks in a hushed tone, “How much do you want it to be?”
2 - A man went to a lawyer and asked what his fee was. “$100 for three questions,” answered the lawyer.
“Isn’t that a little steep?” said the man. “Yes,” said the lawyer. “Now, what’s your third question?”
3 - The lawyer's son wanted to follow in his father's footsteps, so he went to law school and graduated with honors.
Then he went home to join his father's firm. At the end of his first day at work, he rushed into his father's office and said,
"Father, father! In one day, I broke the Smith case that you've been working on for so long!"
His father yelled, "You idiot! We've been living on the funding of that case for ten years!"
4 - 9 consonants , 10 vowels , a comma and a period appeared in court today.
They were told their sentencing is moved to next week.
5 - What is a lawyer's favorite type of underwear?
Briefs!
6 - What did the tax lawyer want to name his daughter?
April.
7 - Why are lawyer jokes not a big hit at the firm party every year?
Lawyers don’t even find themselves funny and other people don’t think they are joking.
8 - What is the one thing you can fix but then it does not work?
A jury.
Best Legal Jokes
1 - What's the definition of a will? This is an easy one. In fact, it's a dead giveaway.
2 - What happened to the man who sued the airline for missing baggage?
He sadly lost his case.
3 - How many lawyers does it take to put up Christmas decorations?
Three, one to buy them, one to set them up, and a third to sue the light company.
4 - Why don’t sharks eat lawyers?
They tend not to eat their brethren.
5 - What do you call the happiest person in a room at the annual bar association meeting?
The caterer.
6 - What do you do when your wife calls you a terrible lawyer?
You plead the fifth, you can’t defend yourself!
7 - What did the attorney tell his wife on their wedding day?
I hereby accept all terms and conditions.
Nice Lawyer Jokes
This is a tough category apparently!
* None of these jokes were written by us, but exist in the plentiful land of attorney jokes.
If you enjoyed the lawyers’ jokes, you likely would also enjoy our other humorous blog posts about lawyers:
Like to Share a Lawyer Joke?
Feel free to email us to submit your best lawyer joke. We plan to update this page with submissions and new jokes we find. If we add your joke, we will give you attribution credit.
Like to Share a Lawyer Joke?
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